Epiphany
by PandorasHollow
Summary: SNICKERS, Sara contemplates and remembers while lying next to a sleeping Nick. Sara's POV


_**AN: **This style of writing is new to me. A friend suggested and encouraged me to try it, so if it sucks it's all her fault. No, no, I'm just joking. I enjoyed writing this so I hope you like it. I apologize for any mistakes, I wrote it without the help of a beta._

_Be prepared for some SNickers fluff and bits of smut._

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The morning has long passed, day had given into night and the blinds that usually protected you from the harsh daylight were no longer needed but still in place. You are on your belly, your head on your folded arms, your eyes on _him_. Your eyes move slowly over his features, not for the first and certainly not the last time. You count the smile lines around his right eye, the side of him you're facing. Twelve, you decide before your eyes settle on his lips, lips you love to feel upon yours, love to watch them form into a bright grin. A sigh escapes you and you have to fight the urge to let your fingers dance across his face down to his bare chest. He needs his sleep, you know that because you went to bed alone and woke up with him next to you. Double shifts are never fun, nor is going to bed alone as you have admitted it to yourself (once again) that afternoon. Since waking him up is not an option (for the next ten minutes anyway), you go back to just watching him and there's a little voice in the back of your mind telling you that it's a creepy habit so you shut off the voice quickly and effectively. Anyway, you think, it's not watching him sleep that you enjoy most, it's watching him wake up.  
There's a pattern in the way he wakes up. His breathing would change, the first clue that consciousness was invading his brain. Then his head would move from side to side until finally settling to face you and that's when your favorite part of watching him awaken would happen, he'd open his eyes. The moment his eyes sought out yours, a beautiful smile would spread across his features. A smile that never failed to make your heart skip a beat or to cause warm and fuzzy feelings to settle in your stomach. It was then that you'd feel like the happiest person on earth because he would be looking so lovingly at you and you'd feel overwhelmed by the knowledge that you were the reason for _that_ smile. His next move would be to stretch his lean body (that was your second favorite moment). The way he'd stretch his arms above his head before engulfing you in a warm embrace. The way he'd kiss you on the temple or cheek or lips, whatever part of your face was the most convenient to him that moment and how he'd murmur in that incredibly sexy, sleep-induced voice a greeting, whichever crossed his mind first.

You love how the rest of your evening would proceed, how you'd stay in bed and leisurely kiss, touch, caress. And although there's only him and you in the apartment you'd still speak in soft voices for reasons you couldn't explain or understand but you still do it anyway. You'd talk about what to have for dinner and your plans for after shift and then the moment that you hate the most would come, you'd get out of bed. And although you know that you're going to see him at work, you also know that you won't be able to be this close to him, that you won't be able to touch and kiss him and in the worst case you'd have to work on two different crimes which meant that you'd probably not see each other the whole shift or even longer.

It's been four months since your first date but still no one knew about your relationship. You know that Nick isn't happy about that arrangement. You know he wanted to tell at least Warrick. You also know that he didn't tell his best friend because he promised you not to. You know the reason why you asked him to keep silent in the first place. Grissom. And you hate it. 

From the beginning of your relationship, Nick had wanted to tell the rest of the team but you had hesitated both times you had talked about it. You had numbered several reasons (the same Grissom gave you months and months earlier) why it was a bad idea to go public and Nick had relented on both occasions, let you have it your way. You were afraid of people's reactions, you were afraid of Grissom's. It's been over a year since the break up but still you feared of telling him that you were over him (this time for real), that you've already moved on.

It took you months to really get over Grissom. After he ended things between the two of you, you had felt hurt and relieved at the same time, wanted to yell at him but also thank him, wanted to tell him where he could stick his explanations but also say that you understood. That abeyance of your emotions had you one day crying over him and the next day flirting with the new ER doctor at Desert Palms. Being alone with Grissom in a room had felt comfortable on some days but awfully awkward on others. You had phases of hating him and then missing him. To say that three weeks after your break up you had been emotionally drained would be the complete truth. One day you had walked into his office and told him that you were taking a few days off. You had let no room for discussion and he had only nodded and handed you the vacation paperwork you needed to fill out. Your absence that shift had your co-workers worried and the following morning you were woken up by Warrick, Nick and Greg, all sporting the same worried expression on their faces. You, Sara Sidle voluntary missing a day of work seemed to be as unorthodox as the Pope wearing jeans, that's what Greg had said anyway. After breakfast and much reassurance that nothing was wrong with you, that you only needed a few days to relax, the three of them had left. However, the next day Nick had returned, bringing breakfast from Frank's and a movie. One breakfast had led to many more, sometimes Greg or Warrick or both joined you but usually it were just Nick and you, creating a new routine that continued for many months until one morning you kissed and everything changed.

The first kiss (sex) is something you always remember fondly of. Thinking about it brings a smile to your face and causes the butterflies in your stomach to dance animatedly.  
You remember the tentativeness when your lips had met for the first time.

You remember the excitement that had grown with the intensity of every following kiss.

You remember the arousal, the lust in his eyes while you had discarded each other of your clothes.

You remember the contentment when you had lain in his arms afterwards.

Later, there had not been any awkwardness between you just badly hidden grins and the desire (urge) to feel him above you, beneath you, inside you.

Lying now in your bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath he takes, you come to understand three things. First one is you love him (which isn't really a secret as you have already confessed it to you and more importantly to him). Second, Nick is right. It's time to make your relationship public (at least to the small number of people that matter). And third, you're tired of this secrecy.  
You don't want to restrain yourself from touching or kissing Nick when you're in the lab (although you'll never do it while on the clock). You don't want to keep an extra distance from him when you're in the same room because you fear that someone might see you and suspect something. You don't want to hide your happiness.

All the reasons that have prevented you from admitting to Grissom that you were in love with another man ceased to exist as you stared into the face of the man who has so wonderfully changed your life. The fear how other people might respond (they definitely will) to the news and what they would say, suddenly seems so ridiculous.You no longer care if Warrick and Greg will tease you, if Catherine will make some disapproving remark and you no longer care if it will hurt Grissom's feelings. If he's truly the man you believe him to be, than he'll be happy for you and not begrudge you of your happiness. In this relationship only Nick and you count, you have to do what's best for you. Determination assaults your mind and you scoot closer to your lover.

"Nick." You whisper, bringing a hand to his face. "Baby, wake up." You say as you let your fingers play across his unshaven cheek. He takes a deep breath and you watch once again as his eyelids lift and reveal his beautiful brown eyes to you. The inevitable heartbeat-skip happens as you witness that smile form upon his lips.

"Hey beautiful." Is his greeting today.

"Hey handsome." You say in return and watch him stretch, his arms high above his head, his legs pushing the comforter lower his body, revealing more of bare skin and you can't but soak up the sight of his gorgeous body. He finishes stretching with a satisfied sigh and puts his arms around you, pulling you closer until you're comfortably nestled into his side and then you feel him plant a kiss on the crown of your head. A satisfied sigh of your own passes your lips and you just lie there for a moment or two, enjoying the warmth his body provides.

"How long have you been up?" He asks after a while and you prop your chin on your hand that's resting on his chest and look up at him. He looks at you expectantly but you don't answer, instead you put a confused look upon his face when you exclaim, "I had an epiphany. We should go public with our relationship." Your announcement is met with silence. "Nick, did you hear what I just said? I want us to tell the team that we're together." You repeat and wait for an answer that doesn't come. This isn't how you thought he'd react. You expected joy and kisses and him worshiping your body. Instead, he combs with his fingers through your hair and regards you silently.

"Honey, if you're saying it just because I want to hear it then…"

"No…" You interrupt him, your hair falling over your eyes as you shake your head, trying to make your point. "…I want to. I really do." Vehemence is strongly recognizable in your voice and he smiles.

"You do?" He asks. In response you move up his body until your hover over him, until your lips are only an inch away from his.

"Yes." You whisper and then you kiss him, hoping to convey how much you mean it, want it. When you pull away you're both slightly out of breath and Nick raises one hand to your cheek and lets his thumb brush over your lower lip while eyeing you with contemplation.

"Well, I don't know." He says, his voice thickly laced with Texan drawl and you panic for a brief moment. "I might need further persuasion." The mischief in his eyes and the smirk on his lips put your mind and body at ease and you allow a smirk of your own to grace your features.

"It's just your luck that I'm very persuasive." You play along and his smirk changes into a bright grin. Nick captures your lips in a demanding kiss and his hands slide down your back and under your shirt. You waste no time with returning his kisses or letting your hands wander the well known paths across his body.  
Clothing gets shed as your kisses grow more heated and your hands get more greedy for bare skin. In one swift move he has you pinned beneath him and you let out a throaty moan, loving the sensation of his flushed body pressing you deeper into the mattress. Moans and gasps and incoherent words fill the room as you maneuver around each other, touch sensitive places and let desire completely consume you. Your eyes, mouth, hands and all your other senses are focused only on him and it's driving you crazy. You want more. More of his kisses, more of his touches, more of his body, more of him. Just more and you have to have it all and have it right then.  
Your hands move lower his body, pulling a moan from deep within his chest. You don't speak a word but he perfectly understands you, knows what you want, what you need. Your eyes lock as your bodies join and a feeling of togetherness sends you both higher and your heartbeats increase. He starts to move and you match each of his thrusts with one of yours. Your body tingles and throbs, your hands roam over his body, touching every bit of him that you can reach. The speed of his thrusts increases and you arch your back into him, feel the all too familiar tugging low in your belly. Nick is saying your name over and over again and you press your lips to his, shutting your eyes tightly and are instantly met with a momentary explosion of stars beneath you closed lids. Your body stills as release washes over you and a moment later his mouth abandons yours and with one final thrust he stills too, letting out a sigh of pure contentment.  
He falls to his side and you can feel him breathe hard next to your ear. You lie there for a moment, breathless, limp and completely satisfied. Hot puffs of air hit your shoulder and you turn your head towards him just as he plants a kiss on your shoulder. Your hand rises and touches his cheek, a contact that causes him to look at you and you both smile before his arm encircles you and pulls you closer to him. A soft hum is your response as you nestle yourself closer to him. For a few minutes neither of you speak, you're both content to just lie there and revel in your afterglow.

"Chinese or Mexican?" He asks after a while and you're confused for a moment before you realize that he's talking about food.

"Quesadillas would be nice."

"Alright." A peck is placed on your temple before he gets out of bed, your eyes following his naked form. Nick's halfway through the door when he turns around and catches you watching him. He wiggles his brows and a corner of his mouth rises, forming a smirk. You don't even have the grace to look embarrassed.

"Like what you see?"

"What an unnecessary question." You tell him and he laughs and nods towards the bathroom across the hall.

"You wanna join me?"

'_Yes'_ is what you want to say but instead you shake your head and tell him that that's not a good idea.

"Ya think? 'Cause I believe it's one of the best ideas I've ever had." You smile but don't offer any other reply. Nick seems to understand (he always does) and walks into the bathroom.  
He knows that things might get a bit out of control (it happened before) and that the rest of the evening would be spent in a hurry, frantically trying to locate a missing piece of clothing while thinking of a good excuse why you're late for work.

Walking late into the lab with goofy grins on your faces is not the way you imagine telling the team about you two. You don't want anyone to think that your relationship outside the lab is interfering with the one in the lab. You are professionals, you've proved that over the last four months and you don't want anyone to doubt it. As much as you don't care what other people think of you, you love your job and you'd hate to compromise your career in any way.  
You know Nick shares your opinion, it's a matter that's been discussed before and one of the reasons why you didn't go public in the first place.

You get out of bed and throw on your robe. Walking out of the bedroom you smile when you hear him singing.

_Number forty-seven said to number three:  
Youre the cutest jailbird I ever did see.  
I sure would be delighted with your company,  
Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me.  
Lets rock, everybody, lets rock.  
Everybody in the whole cell block  
Was dancin to the jailhouse rock.  
_

His voice follows you to the living room where you pick up the phone and order your dinner. That task accomplished your start the coffee just as he walks out of the bathroom sporting nothing but a towel around his hips.  
You walk by and squeeze his firm butt in passing, surprising him a bit.

"Watch your hands Miss Sidle."

"You didn't mind my hands fifteen minutes ago." You throw cheekily over your shoulder as you walk into the warm bathroom.

One hour later you park your car next to his. He's leaning against his Denali patiently waiting for you. You exit the car and come to stand in front of him.

"You ready?" He asks and you grab his hand, giving it a little squeeze. It's as much reassurance for him as it is for you.

"Ready." You reply and that moment you realize that you could accomplish everything as long as you're together.

**The End**

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Thanks for reading and feedback is highly appreciated.  
-Pandora- _


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